When TV News Attacks
For those of you who have asked me to share more ‘war stories’ from TV news, this blog’s for you. It contains highlights from a keynote speech of mine, and includes some of the war stories – and lessons learned – from my 20 years in TV News:
Every day in TV Land offers a new story, and a new lesson to go with it. One of the first lessons I learned on the job, was realizing that whoever said the camera never lies – lied. Cameras DO lie. Thank goodness. We all know airbrushed make-up, professional lighting, and geysers of hair spray can mask the worst of flaws. Even in high-definition. And you better use every tool to your advantage when projecting your image to thousands of viewers a day.
OFF camera, though, is another story. Anything and everything happens off-camera: run-away, remote-controlled cameras, exploding studio lights and potty talk that would make a sailor blush. And that’s just during the first commercial break. In the middle of all that, it also pays to remember that in this age of Flip Cams and YouTube, there really is no such thing as ‘OFF-camera’ anymore. So you need to be ready for anything, anytime – while always remembering that millions of people could end up watching you do anything, at anytime. Especially when working with a studio full of naughty engineers with trigger-happy YouTube fingers.
Thankfully, it’s also good to remember, there’s always another show and another chance to redeem yourself – or to at least top your last YouTube video. Just try to be patient.
But understand that patience is not always a virtue – especially in TV News. And especially when you have a 24-hour, 7-day-a-week news cycle to fill, and you must be expected to travel anywhere, anytime to fill it. This includes midnight house fires, grisly accident scenes, snowy mountain passes – and Florida.
If you do find yourself in Florida, always wear water-proof mascara to a hurricane. And always beware of fire ants. Especially when you’re standing on a street corner right after a rain storm in downtown Tampa and they swarm up your legs during a live broadcast, forcing your cameraman to grab his camera rag and frantically swat at your legs – just-out-of-view-of-the camera-lens – while you try to continue speaking calmly about the school levy story to the unsuspecting anchors back in the studio (fortunately, this happened before the age of YouTube). Always be prepared for anything, anytime.
Including: Balls of Fire. Specifically, balls of fire ants, which the ants like to form during rain squalls so they can then bounce down flooded roads and streams and then instantly swarm all over the first thing they hit…like, say, the hip waders of an unsuspecting TV reporter from Seattle, who is standing in the flooded road trying to get the best possible shot for her 5pm live shot (again, thankfully, before the age of YouTube). You never know what’s floating your way in this world. But even if it’s ‘balls of fire’ exploding up your hip waders during the 5pm news, never let them see you sweat. If YOU’RE uncomfortable, then everyone watching you is uncomfortable. You have to learn to keep your cool under fire – or fire ants, as the case may be.
But remember, sometimes, everyone’s STILL gonna see you sweat, anyways. Especially when you do your job under an incredibly bright spotlight for the entire world to see…and on a 90-degree, 90-percent humidity day, at high noon. With your cave woman curls exploding. And your water-proof mascara melting. In Florida. Sometimes, you just have to mop your brow, grin and bare it – no matter how embarrassing it is, or how many people are watching on YouTube.
Speaking of YouTube, remember that even in this ‘age of celebrity,’ it’s usually NOT helpful to be recognized in public, as this will most likely happen while you’re waiting in line at your doctor’s office for your colonoscopy, or slinking into line at the pharmacy counter to buy some type of unmentionable medication (also know that children don’t usually appreciate having celebrity parents. Especially when they’re ALSO standing in line with their mom to buy some type of unmentionable medication).
Know that all the world’s a gossip, and everyone wants to know what your co-anchor is REALLY like. Know that you can NEVER – under any circumstances – tell anyone but your spouse what your co-anchor is really like.
Remember that free food works wonders. Feed an overworked, underpaid crew even the most cold, congealed, cardboard pepperoni pie, and they will walk to the ends of the earth for you. Or at least drive to the top of a snowy mountain pass for that 11:30pm live shot, without sabotaging your anchor seat with duct tape.
Understand that every female TV reporter tends to date at least one TV cameraman. Especially the ones who give you good lighting.
Know that I am very glad I married my TV cameraman. It really helps to be married to someone who understands your crazy hours, crazy schedule, and crazy work mentality when you have an essentially crazy job.
Know that sometimes, ‘sleep happens.’ But rarely. And poorly. Because news happens any time and all the time, there usually aren’t many good shifts to work in TV news. Which makes it great training for parenthood.
Remember that everyone loves babies. Just not always the ones that require you to take a 3-month maternity leave.
Be warned that it’s really NOT possible to pump 5 ounces of breast milk during a 4-minute commercial break. But know that you CAN anchor an entire 4-hour morning show on 30-minutes of sleep. You just won’t remember doing it.
Know that sometimes, even Christmas gets cancelled. In this day and age and country, you need to be prepared to work holidays, weekends, nights, overnights, mornings, and straight through lunch and dinner. No matter what your seniority level – or industry, for that matter.
If you’re fortunate enough to have a job, don’t be surprised to be paid less and less to do more and more. As most of us have already noticed, many salaries – especially in TV news – are shrinking. The entire industry, like so many others these days, is undergoing massive economic upheaval. Which means no more blackmail-picture-inducing, empty-liquor-bottles-bouncing-out-of-the-news-vans, who-the-heck-did-I-go-home-with?, company Christmas parties. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, if you DO still work for a boss who throws a company Christmas party, and the GM’s wife accidentally lights her bosom on fire at the no-host bar, be prepared to sacrifice your 8-dollar margarita from the no-host bar to quickly put it out. And resist the powerful urge to post the pictures on Facebook.
Be open to meeting people from all walks of life. Thanks to my job, I now know the Dalai Llama is a very nice man, Hilary Clinton is one tough broad, and Dave Mathews does not enjoy stumbling across an unexpected entourage of media crews with cameras in his hotel suite. Again, you never know what – or who – is floating your way in this world.
Understand that reporters, like most folks, tend to get star-struck, and love to post pictures of themselves with famous people in their newsroom cubicles for all to see. Especially for newsroom tour groups. But know that newsroom tour groups will likely always walk by your desk and stop to peer at you and your famous-people pictures just when your doctor finally calls with your test results.
Remember that when it comes to impressing the boss, you gotta get it fast, get it first, and get it right. And bonus points if you convince the competition that the enormous warehouse fire is in the OTHER county.
Be forewarned that men look funny in pancake make-up. Especially when they do their own make-up. And yes, almost everyone in local TV News DOES do their own make-up. And hair. And wardrobe. Just like everyone else in the world, only in FRONT of the world. So please don’t call the station to complain about their bad hair days.
Understand, as you probably do by now, that TV News, like so many other high-profile jobs, is NOT glamorous. Especially with its 3 am wake-up calls, melting mascara and balls of fire. Don’t ask about the pee jars in the satellite trucks.
But know that you shouldn’t pursue a career simply for the glamour or the money. In a perfect world, you do it because you love it and because you’re making a difference in the world by doing it. Even at 4 a.m., when no one’s watching.
Understand that sometimes you have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. And still keep smiling.
Know that coffee can help. Or tequila. But anchoring hung-over – does not.
And while it may be possible to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, it is NOT possible to drag the weight of an entire anchor desk across a newsroom studio. Just ask the brand new weather man who attempted to do so during the 5pm newscast in Tri Cities, when his microphone cord got tangled around the anchor desk. The anchor desk won. And that determined weather man is now in a top-10 market.
Know that cord-less microphones are a wonderful invention – unless you forget to turn yours off while running to the bathroom during a commercial break.
Remember the glare of the spotlight is an incredibly powerful thing. And most people welcome the spotlight being shined on criminal or unethical activity -just not on their OWN criminal or unethical activity. Especially school board members who’re holding their board meetings at a neighborhood strip club. In Florida.
Never try to re-enact a tornado blasting apart a mobile-home with the aid of 3 industrial-sized fans, no matter how many times your boss assures you it’s perfectly safe. And if you do, first make sure your insurance policy is up-to-date.
Understand that TV News can offer you a front-row seat to history and incredible experiences most folks can only see….on TV.
Also know that TV News can force you to spend your first day – on your very first job – driving around an unfamiliar town, with unfamiliar camera gear, blindly searching for a story for an unsympathetic manager – on Christmas Morning. In a blizzard. By yourself.
Know that it is OK to cry during your first day on the job…as long as no one sees.
Know that it’s NOT OK to ‘snot’ on air – even if a co-anchor offers you 100 dollars to do so.
Know that if someone like, say, Peter Jennings is caught snotting on air, that video will instantly and permanently circulate YouTube and make every blooper tape at every newsroom Christmas party (for those who still have one). Again, there’s no such thing as ‘off-camera’ anymore.
Know that you will suffer the worst coughing fit of your life only when solo anchoring. Or swear into an open microphone as the tear gas cloud from the riots envelopes you, just as your boss steps into the control booth. And remember that TV news engineers – or any passing coworker, for that matter – will never miss the opportunity to record every embarrassing coughing fit and swearing fit and post it on YouTube. Know that humility is a powerful trait.
Understand that the once-in-a-hundred year flood will only happen when the boss is out of the town, your child has the flu, and the TV news helicopter is in the shop for maintenance.
Remember that monster storms mean monster ratings. Which means more people than ever will know if you forgot to wear your waterproof mascara.
Above all, understand that no matter what – someone, somewhere in this world will hate how you look, how you sound, and how you act on the job. While at the same time, someone else will love it. Which is fine, because…
In the end…it’s just a job.
And it’s just TV.
4 Responses 
whew…. and you are still smiling and laughing. Good job!
What a great post, Carolyn. It really brings back good – and not so good – memories of my days in local TV news. When you get to the national level, the egos, demands and other obstacles get magnified 10x – but then so do the opportunities to witness history and work with some really talented people. Keep up the good work!
Hey I like this article I absolutely have to keep up with it
really good site .thank you for your time in writing the post.